Our god is Greater!!

Awesome in power our God!     I live a charmed life and don't always realize it . I learned on Saturday night at church the things I need to let god really in. Why are they so hard? Why are we tested at every corner? I know in the midst it makes you question god ,but I believe that is exactlty what he wants. He wants to be questioned he wants to be challenged. He knows how all this will pan out and wants to see what I do with it. OKay here goes the biggest things I need to learn and let go of to fully have a relationship with him is my need for control and mostly control of my love. When I am in control of that I am o.k.(or so I feel) , it's easy with kids; with friends . It's harder with a husband who just wants that love, Why? Because I will have no control if I just let go. I know god wants me to, he would not have put such a wonderful patient, loyal man in my life and let me choose him if he did not want to test me. Obviously my control issues go much farther than my husband  I even give up when I can't manipulate paper the way I see it in my head. Is this how my child with Aspberger's feels every day? I know if I learn I can teach . I know that is why I am part of Close To My Heart Scrapbooking company, they are a teaching company and makes things easy but with there beautiful product ;I have to know if even in that I let go and let God my creativity would flow . So now I must learn to let go.Very hard for me. I know I have the gut feelings(my mother taught me that) I know how to do it, what holds me back what holds us all back? I will read  the book of John as suggested in church and write down my feelings as I read. So to all who have issues holding them back from a true relationship with our Creator, try in small steps to realize what those are and why keep them there? They hold us back from what could be a true heaven right here , this is what he wants for us all. When I do let go , I can see that difference. I am an adult I make my own decisions no matter where I've been or what obstacles I have met. He put them all here to test.So what kind of answer will I give him? I want to ride a bike and wait for the cute Ups man just because I can and wear bright green silk skirts and lipstick in the middle of the day .(( These are all dreams I've had of my mom and I think it's God just giving me a glimpse of all she has finally let go of in heaven )) And she wants me to do that here so she can see and smile with that bright red lipstick she would have never worn here, but now she does and she wants me to know I am capable! I will survive!